As you may recall from previous columns, a few months back, I hopped on the dating app bandwagon. I endured cheesy virtual pickup lines, said “no thank you” to suiters with whom I was painfully incompatible and did go on a handful of dates. Alas, Prince Charming and the prized glass slipper were nowhere to be found.
Luckily, none of my dating app encounters were too harrowing, however my final text conversation with one fella was both illuminating and frankly, annoying. A couple days earlier, we had met for coffee and he struck me as a nice, intelligent guy. Although I’m sure his future companion is out there somewhere, I felt fairly certain early on that her name was not Jennifer Silverman.
He reminded me a lot of my ex-husband, which of course is not his fault, but it’s a dealbreaker on my end. We also envisioned very different futures. Among other things, he was passionate about becoming a dad and I possess no interest whatsoever in being anyone’s mother (with the exception of my canine youngster, Petunia).
Apparently, there is a delicate balance between giving someone a chance, being self-assured enough to trust our own instincts and being logical enough to read the writing on the wall. During the date, he suggested expanding coffee into dinner and I politely obliged despite my nagging hesitation.
As dinner wrapped up, I noticed his wheels turning as though he was mentally naming our imaginary 2 1/2 children and visualizing the perfect picket fence life while eagerly planning our next several dates aloud.
Post-date, I consulted with girlfriends and they all advised that I promptly relay my nicest “thanks but no thanks, best of luck” sentiments. I did so via text, as evidently is appropriate in the world of virtual dating. Instead of responding by accepting the information, reciprocating niceties, and bidding me farewell, he argued.
He asserted that he was confident he could “change my mind” on the family front, and that he felt “sorry for me” since I was “stuck on that Island looking for love.” “Stuck on that Island looking for love?” Really? As far as I could tell, his picket fence aspirations were preventing him from seeing the demeaning, egotistical nature of his statement.
Of course, I am not “stuck” anywhere. I am living here in paradise of my own accord. I imagine his comment also referred to my discomfort with driving any further than Yulee. Frankly, as a dyslexic former New Yorker who has more years of not driving than driving under her Gucci belt, I’m cool with my limitations; especially since this dyslexic kid was told she would never be capable of driving.
The “looking for love” comment was also irksome since I was brand new to virtual dating. I didn’t know what the heck I was “looking for.” My only goal was to be open enough to see what’s out there. Most maddening was the premise that I was helpless and incomplete, but that he could remedy my unfortunate circumstances. I’m neither of those things and his attempts to convince me otherwise were rather pathetic.
Fast forward to last week when I decided to give dating apps another go. I opted to begin with a new app for round two and had quite the surprise awaiting me. Guess who the algorithm computed my most compatible match within a 50-mile radius was? Yep, you guessed it. It was Mr. Wrong, in an encore appearance. Obviously, the app was mistaken.
Last week’s column was all about simply being nice. As such, one moral of this non-fairy tale is perhaps that being honest from the get-go is often the best way to be nice. Also, disregarding disrespectful statements enables us to be nicer to ourselves which seems just as important as being nice to anyone else. Lastly, dating app algorithms are not to be trusted.
Jennifer Silverman, the Curious Columnist, has served as a celebrity wardrobe stylist for hundreds of TV personalities and professional athletes. A few of her favorite projects include the Olympic Games, the Oscars and Inside Edition. Silverman and her Westie, Petunia, relocated from Manhattan to Amelia Island in 2019. Silverman may be reached at fashionmousenyc@gmail.com.
