Why you gotta be so mean?

Even if pop music is not quite your jam, you’ve likely come across the term, “Swiftie.” This colloquial classification for Taylor Swift superfans emerged when Swift materialized on the music scene, seemingly enchanting the world.

Although I don’t consider myself a “Swiftie,” I do find the phenom delightful. I respect her mountains of accomplishments, enjoy her catchy compositions, and admire the gratitude she fosters.

Recently, I was reminded of an apropos Swift song, Mean. The anthem exposes meanies for just who they are — lonely folks whose sole life passion is, you guessed it, being mean. During a recent chat with neighbors about the prevalence of bullies, the chorus of Mean seized my internal soundtrack.

Each of us had a story to share about a meanie meetup. One neighbor faced off with multiple customers who unjustly complained, accused and criticized his small business. Another neighbor witnessed a customer yelling in a local shop, protesting pricing for which employees possessed no control. Likewise, I observed mom-and-pop proprietors of an Island service establishment being gratuitously berated by a patron.

Our consensus was that cruelty is an epidemic of late — a contagion that disseminates an endless loop of detrimental disdain. (And just in case the prospect popped into your head, nothing in this article, or in any of my articles is intended to be a political statement.)

Of course, leopards seldom change their spots. The fictional character, Scrooge did happen to reform, and eventually contributed to humankind. However, good old Ebenezer was merely the product of Charles Dickens’ imagination. In the real world, egotistical bullies often lack the capacity to evolve.

The meanies in our lives aren’t fooling anyone, except maybe other meanies. Those who choose to squander their precious time maliciously badmouthing and bashing others are nothing but lost souls who deceive themselves into believing that putting others down renders them powerful.

Instead of taking accountability for their own actions and lack of self-worth, these individuals blame anyone and everyone, indulging in the fantasy that belittling the population makes them more appealing. I often surmise that when adults act out, they are doing just that — acting out the yearnings and insecurities of their younger selves. Could their bad behavior actually be a pathetic attempt to finally become the cool kid? They covet acceptance. They are desperate for approval. Hurt people, hurt people — it’s as simple as that.

No one is entitled to denigrate anyone else. Unless bullies seek professional help, they are arguably doomed to an existence of constant approval-seeking that will never be satisfied. As much as those of us who believe in respect and kindness would like to eradicate meanies, sadly, it’s never going to happen.

However, it is within our power to stop supplying the attention that bullies frantically crave. If we can shut down a tirade and then walk away, we should. If we can show appreciation or bestow a goodwill gesture to those who have been mistreated, we should.

Most importantly, we can quell the bullies by withdrawing support. Stop following them on social media. Stop liking their toxic posts. Stop subscribing (and unsubscribe) to hateful newsletters. Stop commenting, even if you’re responding with opposition, because any engagement enables a venomous cycle.

Swift sings it best in Mean: “I'll bet you got pushed around. Somebody made you cold. But the cycle ends right now 'cause you can't lead me down that road. And you don't know what you don't know…Why you gotta be so mean?” What if we simply stopped giving bullies what they want? Our presence is a privilege, and they haven’t earned it.

Jennifer Silverman has served as a celebrity wardrobe stylist for hundreds of TV personalities and professional athletes. A few of her favorite projects include the Olympic Games and the Oscars. Silverman and her Westie, Petunia, relocated from Manhattan to Amelia Island in 2019. Additional quirky commentary penned by Silverman is available by visiting www.CuriousColumnist.com Email her at Jennifer@CuriousColumnist.com