Cara Curtin
Remember she sheds? I fell in love with the concept immediately. A she shed would provide me with a wonderful place to write. It would be just far enough removed from the demands and distractions of the house, but not so far as to require dressing for the day.
I soon realized that I already had a she shed. It’s called my kitchen, mainly because that’s where I spend most of my time. I like it to be orderly so I can find things quickly when I need them. And I know when it’s time to replenish dinner ingredients because I keep a mental inventory of my pantry. I can see a replacement jar of mayonnaise where it sits on the shelf – or the empty space that tells me to buy more.
The she shed concept worked well for several years until one particularly challenging day. No matter how hard I tried that day the kitchen was a mess. After several attempts to restore order, I finally bestowed the new moniker of Augean Stables upon this pesky part of my house.
I’ll understand if the term doesn’t resonate with you immediately. The Augean (aug rhymes with bog; ean sounds like Ian Fleming’s first name. Unless, of course, you pronounce Ian as Eye-an, and then all bets are off.)
Stables play a large part in the mythology around Hercules, the child of Zeus and a human lady. Zeus’ wife, Hera, was not pleased at her husband’s infidelity, or its resulting baby. She hated Hercules and spent a lot of time and energy trying to get rid of him.
Hercules grew up despite Hera, and he fell in love, married and had children. This made him too happy, so Hera cast a spell to him crazy enough to kill his family. When the attack of madness passed, Hercules was distraught at what he’d done. He went to the Oracle of Delphi, who told him to work for the king of Mycenae. It was during this long bout of servitude that Hercules was tasked with the Twelve Labors of Hercules. Cleaning out the Augean Stables was Labor Number 5. One glance at the stables, and Hercules knew he was in trouble – some unkind person whispered to him that these stables had not been cleaned in 30 years.
To compound the problem, the 1,000 cattle occupying these stables were divine and produced an insane amount of waste. Hercules would spend his days mucking out the stables, only to find them filled again the next morning. He finally rerouted a couple of rivers to flush out the stables and then demanded his payment of 100 cattle. The king refused to pay him, saying that the rivers had done most of the work, and Hercules had not fulfilled the terms of the task. Hercules became so enraged that he killed the king and gave the country to the crown prince.
I don’t see homicide in my plans, but I do recall several instances when I left my kitchen looking like a store display, only to return to find it sullied by various cups and plates and crumbs. Once again, it was time to break out my shovel and get to work on my own Augean Stable.
I know I am not the only one with this problem. Each of us has our own space that never seems to get as clean and orderly as we want it to be. Sometimes others help create the mess, but a lot of the time the mess is of our own doing.
The kitchen has retained its formal title, but lately I have started calling the laundry room The Annex, as in annex to the stables. No matter how hard I try, there always seems to be a pile of dirty clothes smirking at me from some dark corner. The dryer just cackles when it’s full with a clean, dry load that has to be folded before I can transfer the clean wet load waiting in the washer.
Between my personal Augean Stables and The Annex, I’ve done so much shoveling the past couple of years that I have worn my shovel almost down to a nub. I hate to do it, but I’m going to have to ask Santa for a new shovel. Maybe he’ll take pity and enhance it with something that sparkles.
I don’t know about you, but it drives me crazy when some article makes an obscure reference without telling me how to find out more. Here, then, is a list of Hercules’ 12 Labors, starting with number 1: kill the Nemean lion, kill the Lernaean Hydra, capture the Ceryneian Hind (a European red deer), capture the Erymanthian boar, clean the Augean Stables, kill the Stymphalian birds, capture the Cretan Bull, steal the Mares of Diomedes, obtain the belt of Hippolyta, Obtain Geryon’s cattle, steal three golden apples from the Hesperides, and capture and bring back Cerberus.
Cara Curtin is a retired Naval officer whose last duty station was nearby Kings Bay Naval Submarine Base. She and her family chose Fernandina Beach as their forever home, where she continues to pursue her writing career of more than 30 years. She has written for radio, television and a wide variety of print publications. She also gives informal talks and conducts workshops to share her writing tips. Contact her at wordsmythe1776@gmail.com.