John Scherer
The call of Biblical family planning is one of the areas, especially in today's complicated world, that brings out strong feelings to many of us. There are many visions of the years ahead for our families. We have visions and concerns regarding a lifetime, dedicated to pleasing God through the writings and summations of the Apostle Paul found in his book of Ephesians. It appears that the 'life of the family,' through all the many years of work and focus, is most pleasing to God. I'm sure that's why the Apostle Paul was guided to devote so much space in the New Testament Book of Ephesians, to the many issues and directions to all married couples.
It seems clear, and maybe good to know that there are possibly at least five possible phases to Biblical married life. In each one of them, there seems to require that the husband and wife both work together as a team. They both need to combine their unique talents, temperaments, different personalities, and strengths to make it right in the sight of God.
Of course, not every couple or family follows the areas outlined below. But what really matters is not that the parents or a family follows a certain timetable, but recognizes that there are 'seasons of life' together and that building solid God-directed relationships is a lifelong process.
The honeymoon years: During this first period of married life, two people from different family modeling, experiences, and value systems, begin to discover one another under 'real time' conditions. Differences and similarities begin to surface in areas such as finances, sexuality, faith values, time management, personal habits, and more. The couple finds out very quickly that each difference gives them the opportunity to possibly conflict, but grow closer through them. The patterns they grow together and establish will affect what happens in the next phases of family growth.
The childbearing years: If there is an onset of children, the transition grows usually pretty rapid. The new babies or additions of blended families, even though they are welcomed with a grateful heart and are a blessing from God, can cause possibly cause lifechanging circumstances to the couple of what may have been a cozy twosome. There are times that the dads could feel displaced the most because most mom's bond much quicker with infants and additions of other children. Let's face it, the child bearing and raising years can be extraordinary draining and difficult on many couples and family values. Parents will undoubtedly have to give much more than they receive and may find tension and conflict erupt in their relationship that started off so lovingly. That's why its so important to set aside some time each day to talk together and especially pray together about so many things. God is still and will always become about, "the Greatest Direct Mega 5 G wireless connection there is."
The child rearing years: As the Biblical couple's children pass through the stages of growing up, there are new authority figures that will come about. There will be teachers, coaches, youth Pastors and most importantly, their peers. There may be a possibility that there may be 'a challenge' to what may have been the final word of the parents. Even though 'others' may suggest or try to influence or impose new values, decisions on your kids...It's a great time for you parents to help your kids think about and see themselves and the world around them through discussion, prayer, Bible study and support that creates an atmosphere around them of unity and values.
The child launching years: With the onset of growing older, the kids begin to notice the opposite sex and start to think what love may be like outside the family. This is the start of the 'leaving process' and as time marches on, these young adults take steps toward their own independence. They will start to realize, as time marches on, that their future should bring about bumping their heads, learning the easy or hard way, contain work, study in school and perhaps their own marriage. We try to raise our kids with one simple rule of legacy. We hope to look at them with a gentle smile, a surge of emotions at their accomplishments, potential success in their lives and most of all, "God's blessing and Grace in their lives."
The empty nest years: "They're Gone." The echo in your home may be joyous or sad, but now the couple will find out whether they've grown together or apart over the years. Its important for every marriage to understand the difference between a "child or career centered marriage" and the balance that God desires for them. The couple that has built their lives 'into each other" can experience a joyous recovery of full attention to their happy marriage.
Going through phases in your lives? Enjoy them all in God’s way.
It is in His Grace we are saved, by His Word we live, and by His Will, we serve others.
Empowering individuals in the Nassau County area, John offers a compassionate, faith-based care giving ministry, providing support and guidance to adults, 18 and older, from all Christian denominations . To learn more, contact him at jwscherer2@gmail.com.